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-This is the song na na na na Elmo song! Ai!(bone crushing sounds)
-Why you little!(Beating noises) I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!I am evil Homer!
-And thats why all hats are banned from school
-Even bonnets?
-Especially bonnets
-Hey chief were going to break down that crack house tonight, want to come?
-I thought we did that last night?
-Yeah, but this time we've got the address
-No I can't, I'm playing tennis at the Simpsons house tonight. They're easier to beat than a suspect in shakles.
-A suspect in shakles is pretty easy to beat chief
-I know, it's a joke about the simpsons and they're easy beatability.
So I says to Mable I says.
So I says to the guy: blue M&M red M&M, they all end up the same colour in the end.
-Now when i say hello Mr. Thompson at press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
-Gotcha.
-Okay, hello Mr. Thompson.
-...I think hes talking to you
-Smithers are they Booing me?
-Uh no, they're saying Boourns, Boourns!
-Are you saying Boo or Boourns?
-Booooooooooo!
-I was saying Boourns.
-We have been informed that a Lisa Simpson has spotted a UFO.
-I didn't see any UFO!
-That's right miss, you didn't.
-May I have some more Lima beans please?
-Certainly.
-More.
-Certainly.
-More.
-Maybe you should eat the ones you have on your plate before I give you any more.
-I never said I was going to eat them, I just want to look at how disgusting they are.
-Isn't that clever? It looks like a cadillac drove right into the building.
-Help me.
Hey!Hey! Are you ready to get roudy?
So.................You like...stuff?
-The docter said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there.
-My cats breath smells like cat food.
-Now you're charming!
-You don't know me.
-This guy right here, This is the guy.
-Kids can be so cruel.
-We can? Thanks, Mom!
-Welcome to the club, Number 908
-Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff!
-Who keeps the aliens under wraps? We do!
-Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star? We do! We do! -Who rigs every Oscar Night? We do! We do!
-Aww theres only one beer left and its Bart's
-Oh loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix
-But I got these cool Alf pogs. Remember Alf? He's back. In pog form
-But on the plus side, I knocked over the sun-sphere.
-Now you kids either buy some wigs or get out!
-You'll be back! You haven't seen the last of Willie!
-But whenever your teacher tells you to pull your arm back in the window you do it, you hear?
-On some days we don't let the line move at all.
-Yeah, we call those days 'weekdays'.
-The Alien has a sweet heavenly voice. Like Erkel! And the Alien apears every friday night. Like Erkel!
-Sure Mr. Jackass, I mean Simpson, I'll just type this up on my magical typewriter. Hmm a hmmm la la la!
(Man walks in all burnt and carrying a lighter)
-I just torched a building downtown and i'm afraid I'll do it again!
-I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter. hmm a hmm la la la.
-You wouldn't understand, Dad, you're not With IT.
-I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU!"
-Heyyy Kids! Today we're going to talk about Krusty's expensive new suit. His sexual harrasment suit
-Two wrongs dont make a right, Bart
-Yes they do
-No they dont
-Dad!
-Two wrongs make a right, Lisa
-I didn't know you knew Luke Perry.
-Pfft. Know him? He's my worthless half-brother.
-He's a big TV star.
-Yeah, on FOX.
-Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
-*worried* Ooooh, that's bad.
-But it comes with a free Frogurt!
-*relieved* That's good.
-The Frogurt is also cursed.
-*worried* That's bad.
-But you get your choice of topping!
-*relieved* That's good.
-The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate.
-*stares*
-That's bad.
-That doll is EVIL, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!
-Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
-*whines* I just want attention.
- -Oh, goody: the Sea Monkeys I ordered have arrived. Heh heh heh, look at them cavort and caper.
-This has got purple stuff in it. Purple's a fruit.
-Mmmm...64 slices of American Cheese. 63. 62....
-Yeehaw, no more sittin' in the dirt at the drive-in.
-It's just a birthmark. And I'll thank you not to stare!
-Well, your a garbage man!
-I know you are but what am I?
-A garbage man!
-I know you are but what am I?
-A garbage man!
-Takes one to know one!
-Hey kid, you allright?
-(wow she's beautiful, gotta say something clever)I hurt my bottom.
-Mom!!!
-Whats wrong, Lisa?
-Well i know its absurd, but i just had a dream that there was a boogie man
-AHH!!!!!!
-Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogie man or Boogie men in the house!
-Ahhhhhhh!
(Marge walks in)
-Whats going on here?
-Oh nothing Marge, just a little incident involving the boogie man!
-I think I should call my manager.
-Your manager tells you to shut up!
-Vira said that?
-I'm not a state, I'm a monster!
-No, Lisa, the only monster here is the one that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor! And it's time to put him to a stop!
-Now to the plant, we'll take the Spruce Moose! Hop in!
-But sir..
-I said hop in.
-Well Skinner i made it here, despite your directions
-Ahh Superintendant Chalmers, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon
-Uhh yeah
-Oh Egads! My roast is ruined! But what if i were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Hah aha, delighfully devilish Seymour!
Skinner with crazy explanations, the Superdintendant's gonna need his medication, when he hears Skinner's lame exagerations, there will be trouble in town tonight!
-Seymour!
-Superintendant, i was just stretching my calves on the windowsill, asymetric exercise, care to join me?
-why is there smoke coming from your oven, Seymour?
-Thats not smoke, its steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm steamed clams!
-Superintendant, i hope your ready for mouthwatering hamburgers
-I thought we were having steamed clams?
-No, no steamed hams, that's what i call hamburgers.
-You call hamburgers steamed hams?
-Yes its a regional dialect
-Uh huh,w hat region?
-Uh upsate new york
-Really? Well I'm from Utica and ive never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams.
-Oh no not in Utica, it's an Albany expression.
-I see. Ya know these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
-Oh no, patented Skinner burgers, old family recipe.
-For steamed hams?
-Yes.
-Yes and you call them steamed hams despite that fact they are obviously grilled?
-Well......uh....ya know... one thing i...excuse me for one second
-Certainly
Door Slams then reopens
-UAHH that was wonderful, good time was had by all, well im pooped.
-Yes i should be go-Good Lord! What is happpening in there?
-Aurora Borealis
-An aurora borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
-Yes
-May I see it?
-No
-Seymour! The house is on fire!
-No mother its just the northern lights
-Well Skinner, you're an odd fellow, but i must say, you steam a good ham!
-Uh oh, we've drawn Judge Schneider
-Is that bad?
-Well, he's kinda had it in for me ever since i kinda ran over his dog with a car
-You did?
-Well, replace kinda with repeatedly and dog with son
-Oh great Dad's dead
-ooooooooooo
-Have you been eating that sandwich again?
-Saaannnddwwiccchhh *Remembers picinic*
-You've been eating that thing for a week, I think the mayonnaise is starting to turn.
-Two more feet and i can fit it in the fridge.
-Homer, i found this behind the radiator, I really think you should throw it away.
-Suggestion noted. *Takes a bite out of the sandwich*
*in bed*
-I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment
-Are you going to eat it?
-.......Yes *Marge throws sandwich in the garbage*
-You look terrible
-I dont care, I'm going to Duff Gardens *Falls on the floor and crawls away*
*In the car, homer shivering with a blanket*
-Sooo cold
-Your lips are turning blue, I think you better stay home.
-No! Duff Gardens Herrraaa! *Hits his head on the steering wheel*
*Kids in Selma's car*
-We really appreciate you taking the kids on such short notice
-We'll have fun, won't be kids?
-To get to Duff Gardens I'd ride with Satan himself!!!
-That's the spirit! See you tonight!
-Buh bye Dad, don't eat any solids!
-Ooh, but i love solids
-Won't be any fun without you dad.
*Car drives away*
-Yaaaaaaayyyyyy!
-This is all you fault! *Looking at the sandwich in the garbage* Ooh I can't stay mad at you!
-It's like that time I was going to meet Mr. T at the mall. The whole day I kept saying I'll wait a little longer, I'll wait a little longer. When I finally got there he was gone, I asked the guy if he was ever coming back and he said he didn't know!!
-Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen
-That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
-These uniforms suck!
-Bart! Where did you learn a word like that?
-Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
-Homer!
-Gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening
-Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh! (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song)
-Trying is the first step towards failure.
-Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You
-Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing
-0perator! Give me the number for 911!
-English, pfft! Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
-There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.
-Dad, thanks to TV, I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago. No, really, it's a serious problem. Ha, ha, ha! What're we laughing about?
-Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.
-According to you, everything is cruel. Keeping him chained up in the backyard is cruel, pulling on his tail is cruel, yelling in his ears is cruel, everything is cruel!!
-Ha Ha! Smithers, this reminds me of that fat man i used to ride to work!
-Me and you are gonna run away, Stampy! We'll stick to the backroads and head south. Then if my geography is correct, it's only 12 miles to Africa.
-Yeah right, lady, an elephant just ran through your front yard. *Phone rings, Wiggum picks it up*
-Wiggum. Yeah right, guy, and elephant just knocked over your mailbox. *Phone rings again, Wiggum picks up*
-Wiggum, Yeah right, buddy, liquor store robbery, officer down.
-Dad you're sinking!
-Get a rope Bart!
-No, I'm sure I can struggle my way out. I'll just reach in and pull out my legs, now I'll pull my arms out with my face.
*Stampy head-butting other elephants*
-Animals are a lot like people. They may behave badly if they've been mistreated or brought up badly. But, like people, some of them are just jerks......Stop that Mr. Simpson *Homer ramming his head into the worker*
-What a fabulous feline!
-But Dad, feline means cat
-Elephant Lisa, Stampy is an elephant.
-Just give her these. and then these. and then these
-Thank you doctor
-Oh I'm not a doctor
-Mom how do I let a guy down without hurting his feelings?
-Well......
-Wait Marge let me handle this i've heard them all
-I think we should see other people, I think we should just be friends, Me donta speaka English, i'm married to the sea and I don't want to kill you but I will.
click here to hear "sandbox" click here to hear homer drunk |
